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coldreflections189
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Name: Absolute
Location: different plane than, Antigua
Birthday: 3/10/1989
Gender: Female
Interests: Bharatanatyam, dancing, drawing, reading sleeping...anything that doesn't require actuall mental excursion...
Expertise: watching people out of the corner of my eye
Occupation: Other
Industry: Other
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
4/5/2004
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| wow. not only was that emotastic, but it was wAngsty.
in other news, I've been contemplating again. yes, contemplating.
So like. Here I am, I've read my Ayn Rand (not looking up
spelling) beginning Milan Kundera (only because my sister said i was
too young for it) glanced at Knee-chi (and then suffered from an
aneurism), pondered Voltaire (for five minutes) and (futiley) attempted
a look at countless others.
But I have a problem. Every time I try to contemplate, think
about, these thoughts and ideas on my own, I only end up elaborating on
another thought from a different author. when thinking about Life
Is Elsewhere, and the poet's mother's over-all eye for making herself
tragic and interesting ( my new favorite phrase, yes), I can only
remember The Fountainhead and its idea of objectivism.
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| they're yelling again.
my grades are terrible
they're going to yell at me soon
probably ground me.
i hate this
and yay for the emotastic last entry!
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| Today was the worst Mothers' Day ever.
My mom yelled at me and shouted about how poorly I'm doing in school
and how proud she used to be of me in the car and how organized I was
and how stupid/useless/lazy I am now. And I just wanted to yell
back at her and maker her understand but I couldn't because I wanted to
cry and I wanted to throw something or hit something and I couldn't do
it all at once. We tried to give her gifts, in the morning, before she
started yelling. A box of truffles and two books by her favorite
authors. Then I tried to help her but she said she got it under
control. Then she started nagging and nagging and suddenly I just
didn't want to do anything that would make her happy or that would
comply with what she wanted me to do because i was getting annoyed by
her.
And I can smell it on his breath before he starts to talk, and then
he's shouting about my studies too. And I know i'm not doing well
in school anymore. And I know that I was once so much better at
everything and I used to be so much better and now i'm just sitting in
this dump doing nothing and getting fatter.
And I want to walk up to them and ask them if they knew everything is
broken and if they knew that I know everything is broken. Because
it is.
And my sister lives in her own world and won't come out and I'm the only real person left.
And then my mom started hugging me and being mommy-ish at me so I
couldn't stay properly mad at her but I wonder why. And I can
only blame it on mood swings because I don't know what gets people
yelling one minute and being nice to me the next.
Usually they get mad for days or be nice for maybe an hour before they get mad.
And I don't like myself either, so that makes two of us.
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| gosh. i'm sooo lazy. my god.
so i like have a bunch of 79's in classes which i NEED to get A's in.
and we have like. NO time left in anything.
so yeah.
i should just you know. Do EVERY single thing and try to make up stuff, right
god
i hate the world
HATE THE WORLD.
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| today. was. AWESOME.
i mean. today was the most boringest day of my life. i loved it. nothing happened~! I mean, a lot of things happened (LYEK OMG KATCH 'EM AND KILL 'EM :O GHOSTS HAVE BAD SPELLING!:OO) and i got a new Terry Pratchett novel, which i spazz over, but other than that, it was just. you know. chill. yeah. Sadly I'm a fan of boredom.
Excitement makes things...messy. And the only people who go for excitement are those who think that their life is too neat. but life is never too neat.
In fact, it's too exciting, which, also sadly, is the nature of things. so i just got to do my homework without like. disturbance and junk and then i got to read! READ! like, not omg i actually got to read a paragraph in between school, two dance classes, SAT prep, homework, studying for finals, volunteering, and violin :D! but like. you know. omg i actually get to sit down and get through pages!
i should get used to the former though. cuz of my AP course next year. which i'm looking forward to, but i mean. more work. and stuff.
and i'm afraid of the teacher.
ugh. i'm going to bed. another good thing about the weekend: i have the luxury of going to sleep BEFORE 1.
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